We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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