I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
either way he was missing a nipple.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
