not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
