why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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