And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
