Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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