I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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