Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize