i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
