my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
