hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
