i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
