Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
operation have a gay friend backfired
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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