I just cut my nipple shaving
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
