Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
