did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
