Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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