If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize