Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
