I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I AM VODKA MAN
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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