I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
