You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
someone owes me an orgasm
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
