Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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