So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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