i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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