i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
