She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
