this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
