Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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