so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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