Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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