I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
