I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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