Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How does one acquire holy water?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
