he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
