im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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