so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize