This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
