I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
