five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
