girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
