My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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