That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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