You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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