i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
