Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
