did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
