It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
