I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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