I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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