Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
