I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
