I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish you could order shots online.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
