Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The power of my boobs compel you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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