It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
