Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
