all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize