I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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