So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want nice things and good sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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