I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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