he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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