i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my shit smells like andre
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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