worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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