Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
