he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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