My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No subtext here. People are naked.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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