Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize