I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
