Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
