Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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