it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
