It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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