you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
